Friday, December 20, 2013

Small thing #1.

My small things for 2014 (I think in order of importance, although I might lose track)

Watch what I eat.

This is such an important one for me, and the one I have the most trouble remaining "faithful" to.  I eat a lot, I eat what I want, when I want, and how I want to.  I have even eaten in hiding...yup, I'm one of those people. 

My plan for eating will be a diet high in protein.  It includes fish, chicken, turkey, all the vegetables, fruit, Greek yogurt, nuts.  It has all the ingredients I like, and trust me when I tell you that 6oz of chicken, is a lot of chicken.

My friends and I will be doing a 24 day cleanse at the beginning of the year.  This is not a no food cleanse, and it does teach you how to eat.  I've been wanting to do one for a while, and for any skeptics, my doctor does approve.

Speaking of doctors, I will be getting a physical at the end of this year, to include blood tests, just to make sure all is OK.  I've had some health issues this year, both physical, and mental (stress, depression) I want to know for sure that my body is not working against me in this be healthier/lose weight battle.

Less of this!!!
 
More of this!!!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

A little thief

Be….Strong :: Small Things ~ Mother Teresa Quote and Printable

The time is here to start thinking about the New Year, and what I'd like to see in it. I do feel like the New Year is a bit of a thief: people, myself included at times, seem to treat it as a clean slate, like a brand new beginning, a blank piece of paper, with no blotches on it. The truth is that in 2014 I will still have the same job, the same house, the same car, the same kids, husband, etc.  This isn't necessarily bad, those are good things to keep the same.  I will however still suffer from the same depression, the same big belly will hang around, my same desires and dislikes will most likely hang around.  On New Years Eve I will get off work at 6:00pm, get home, be tired.

I think the word new is what gets people is such a tizzy.  I am more than happy to let go of anything and everything that didn't serve me in 2013, however I know that will require more work on my part, work I wasn't willing to do this year.

If 2013 taught me anything is to be gentle and kind with myself. This is due to some incredible women I've surrounded myself with, both off line and on line (looking at you Joy sisters).  This has been the first year where I immersed myself into cultivating friendships.  Without even setting an intention to it, friendship became my driving force, my support, my sanity.  I still have a long way to go in the self care department, but a baby steps count.


Surrounding myself with all these incredible, smart, talented women has woken up a calling in me, to surround myself with women more often.  My first small step will be an e-course I'll offer in March.  Re-loved is dedicated to myself, and all the women a that have lost themselves somewhere in the hustle of the daily life.  

My guiding word for 2013 was SOLID, and I have to admit that it worked.  Whenever sh*t hit the fan, I'd whisper to myself "you're solid, you got this" and I'd be able to refocus.  

For 2014 I am going with a guiding phase, a phase that's been on my refrigerator for the past couple weeks, and it's been crawling into my soul any chance it gets:
"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies" Mother Teresa

Tomorrow I will share what my small things will be for 2014.

Today I am focusing on today.





Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Sick kids

I have spent the last two days at home with sick kids.
I have not slept in the last three days.
Today the kids and I were at Urgent Care three hours total.
We went to pick up medicine for LJ, and it wasn't ready.
The house is a mess.
I wanted to do something creative today, but my willpower is not there.

I have a picture on my wall, of an elephant (which by the way, I feel like one)
"Breathe it all in
Love it all out."

That has been my mantra today.
Yesterday I lost my sh*t for a minute.
Today I'm holding it together.
I guess the big guy upstairs knew I'd need it today more than I did yesterday.
He made my kids little angles.
I'm ready to curl up in a ball, and sleep the day away...wait...I have sick kids.

Sick kids do call for a "photo shoot" and I love me some apps.



Monday, December 16, 2013

You deserve

"You deserve:

eye contact
smiles in the morning
food made with pure intention
clean drinking water, fresh air
Hello, Please, Thank you
time to think about it
a chance to show them what you're made of
a second chance
an education
health care, including dental
multiple orgasms
weekends off
eight hours of sleep
play before work
to change your mind
to say no
to say yes
to have your deepest needs met
to be seen
to be loved for who you really are

You deserve all of this - and more - just because you showed up to life."

The Desire Map by Danielle Laporte


This is the kind of reading I'm doing right now, and it's blowing my mind, and soothing my soul.


Friday, December 13, 2013

All of it

Another cup of coffee.
Another unhealthy snack.
I'm struggling today:
- with being a mama
- with being present and engaged
- with goals and dreams
- with other people moving forward
- with my lack of time (or the feeling of lack of time)
- with my inability to create and parent at the same time
- with my lack of believing in myself

I think new things are opening for me, and I feel this struggle, because I'm feeling pulled in many directions.
I worry that other people, the image of other people and their work, body, family influence me too much, and what I really want isn't REAL, it's just something I've seen on the web.

I'm looking forward to a Saturday party with friends.
It's a party I dreamed up weeks ago, then cancelled, then felt called to have again.
We'll be celebrating the winter solstice.
The first solstice of this year that I've actually taken the time to celebrate. 
I wanted to celebrate them all, but fear and doubt got in the way.

Yesterday, while bouncing my son on my leg, I got the sudden urge to become strong.
Physically strong.

I think tonight is a great night to pray and to surrender.

This is my little "altar" of words I see everyday.  I'm adding to it slowly.  I have to be called to add something.  O colored the star and put it up.  I think it fits great.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Listening for the call

I've been beating myself a bit this year for not feeling the Christmas spirit.
Last year, we got our tree on December 1st, and that day all the decorating was done, and we enjoyed the season. 
This year we also got the tree on December 1st, however I didn't decorate it until three days later.
My house seems bare compared to last year's, although I do have some decorations out.
I'm excited for Christmas, and I'm excited for the family get together.
I think simple is the word for this season for me.
I have been busy with work, kids, working on my e-course, I think something had to give. 
I think simple is the way to go, because really Christmas shouldn't be all this craziness, and who gets more, or who has more lights on their house. 
I think deep down I'm feeling the Christmas spirit more than I have before.  It's in my heart, and my family, and my surroundings.  It's not in spending money, rushing here and there.  It's about the present moment and enjoyment.

I do decorate when I feel called to add things here and there, and that feels great for this year.





Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Re-loved

It's so freaking cold.
Too cold for snow!
What does that even mean?!?!
I've been going through moisturizer and chopstick like crazy.  My skin in still dry, and my lips cracked. 
I do love the feeling of coming home, and feeling the warmth.
I'd say that's the only consolation for this cold.

I've been doing a lot of writing.
Not on here, but in my personal journal. 
I've been working on an e-course, my first one (YIKES!) and it's been flowing nicely.
The course is called Re-loved, and it's about falling in love with ourselves again...and again, and again.  No matter how many times we lose ourselves to our work, kids, stress, to do lists...we can always stop and Re-love ourselves.  I'm excited.  This is such a new, and strong pull for me, and it's almost easy to write the course.  I will be "taking" the course for myself first.  I think this will help me find any problems, but also I can start teaching it, while I've Re-loved myself. 

My kiddos are coming back home on Thursday.  I'm very excited.

I bought Jewel's newest holiday CD, and I love her. 

I'm going to address some Christmas cards so I can send them into the world.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Happy cup

I want to write about my new cup.
About me, and the people in my life.

It all started with Pier 1 sending me one of their catalogues. 
I don't know about you, but for me, flipping through a few pages of a catalog, makes me wanna spend all my money, live in the pages of the catalog, and think about life "what if..."

It all started with this image.
The happy mug, and the love mug.
I liked them.
I wanted to buy them, at least one of them.

Then I got curious about the position of the handle of the mug, and what way the words were facing.  This could get complicated, but bear with me.
Assuming the word happy is only on one side of the cup, I would have to hold the handle in my left, non-dominant hand, in order for people to see it.
My thinking was why else would you buy a cup with the word happy on it if other people can't see it?
Then I thought that sure enough happy is also on the other side.
I figured that if it wasn't, I was NOT buying the cup.
I need people to see happy.

Every time I went to the bathroom, yup, that's where this ended up, I could not let go of the thought that 1) I wanted the cup, and 2) I wanted other people to see the happy, because why on earth would I want to see those words?

Wait...what?
The cup is for me.
I am buying it for me.
I like it.
I can picture myself holding it in my right hand, drinking hot tea/coffee/apple sider.
Again, why would I  need to see those words?

Obviously Pier 1 brings out the best in my thinking, and as I've been doing a lot of soul searching, I decided that I would be the one looking at happy, and that is all that mattered.  I need to see happy so I can be reminded to be it, to be happy.  I don't do much for myself, and I can give advice to others better and faster than Dr. Phil, but when it comes to me? 

I now have the happy mug, and I will be the one getting the reminder.
P.S. I got the mustache mug for the hubby :)



Thursday, December 5, 2013

Cold temps

I find it so ironic that I chose warmth as the theme for December, and we're experiencing the lowest temperatures this season.  I make it a challenge even when I don't mean to. 

There are many ways to keep warm or to get warm, but I think the first step is to listen to our body and know when we are cold and need to warm up.  I find myself walking around in a tank top around the house, and at times, when I'm not moving much, something feels a bit off.  Then I touch my arms, and feel coldness, or get the chills.  I run, put on a shirt, and then think to myself "you should have done that an hour ago!"  Sometimes we get in such a hurry, that we don't listen to the basic signs of what our body is feeling and what it needs.

I hope that everyone out there is able to get warm when needed.
In this season I feel so many blessings: my family and friends, my home, my "stuff." I realize that not everyone is so fortunate to have the basic things in life, and it saddens me.

Stay warm my friends.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Warmth

Warmth...slippers on my feet.
A jacket that covers my belly.
Warmth...not feeling cold on the inside.
Feeling safe inside.
Feeling safe and welcomed inside, by me...my internal thoughts.

I've been working on that the last couple days. 
It hasn't been easy.
It's been scary and painful, and lonely.

I keep reading sometimes the healing is in the aching , and feeling like I don't want to ache no more.

How is everybody else doing?

Please go to http://www.thewiegands.com/ and enter an awesome giveaway!!!! It brightened my day!!!!!!!!

Monday, December 2, 2013

Hot shower and a tree

I know that technically I am one hour and nine minutes late.
This post should have been written yesterday.
I say life got in the way.

We got our tree yesterday.
My little guy fell asleep, and because he was so cranky, I stayed in the car with him, while the hubby and O went looking for THE ONE.
It took them about 7 minutes.
O saw a tree, said "this one," and the rest was history.
We only managed to string some lights on it last night, so there will be decorating going on later.

Isn't it ironic that I declared December to be about warmth, and I get a COLD?
Yikes...the sneezing and runny nose are the worst.
I've been taking a nasal decongestant, but I'm not sure if it's doing anything for me.
I have been keeping warm.
Yesterday the best warmth came from my shower.
I always take a shower after work.
Yesterday it made my bones feel nice and warm, and it was exactly what I needed.
Do you ever find yourself going through the day and all of a sudden you feel that you're cold, or thirsty, or tired? 

Saturday, November 30, 2013

November recap

Thanksgiving - GREAT!
Three day weekend - GREAT!
Seeing my brothers company soaring - PROUD SISTER ALMOST CRIED GREAT!
Family - GREAT!

Kid throwing the worst tantrum EVER - WORST KID MOMENT, WORST MAMA MOMENT, WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD, WORST OUT OF CONTROL 5 MINUTES EVER!!!!!!

I will spare the details of the tantrum, because it was ugly, and I didn't handle it well, and I'm hoping that 1) my kid never ever throws another tantrum like that, and 2) she can't remember those 5 minutes in the next couple years.

Our Thanksgiving was wonderful.  The food was great, company even better.  I got a rare chance to spend the weekend with the family, with having a three day weekend.  It's really nice having a "normal" weekend, like everyone else.

November overall has been a good month...I think...and because I can't remember the bad, and the ugly, I'm going to deem it a successful month.

As everyone else this year, we're throwing ourselves into the Christmas spirit and getting our Christmas tree tomorrow.  We did the same thing last year, and it was very nice having the tree around for such a long time.  Also, when the holidays were over, we took everything down and put it away in one day...this is a family that doesn't do much in one day, we like to spread projects over days.  No bueno.

I am declaring December the month of warmth: sweaters, hats, hot chocolate, pie, self-love. I've been feeling cold on the inside, and it's time to warm it up.

I'm planning on blogging all December, every single day, as a small challenge to myself, to get a groove going for this blog and myself.  I think it will be fun.
 

Friday, November 22, 2013

Visioning

I've been visioning something fierce.
Words, and images, and feelings, jumping out at me everywhere.
There are some magazines I don't want to cut up, but the urge to glue an image is just too strong.

My vision for The Cottage is simple.  Lots of calm, neutral colors, lots of storage.  A place where creativity will be forefront.

I took a close up of the birdhouses.  I found them on the back cover of a magazine, and knew this was something I could not only make, but it would be a part of Cheryl, as this blue was her favorite color.

My visioning around ME is a bit loud, yet very specific.  As you can see, these two pages are not filled. I was deliberate in what went on these pages.  I know I'm a work in progress, we all are, so I am in no hurry to fill this vision board.

I will be trying something completely new and different in 2014, by offering an online course.  My BIG goal is to offer a retreat for women.  Yesterday I found an article which spoke to me, as some of the paragraphs have been my words exactly.  I'm glad I'm not the only one out there searching for my tribe.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Crafting

"Your crafting makes me mad," words said out of anger, and just to be said.
They didn't hurt, sting, make me cry.
The words rang true, because my crafting makes me mad too.
Short on space, time, organization, I find myself struggling. 
When an idea strikes me, I find myself getting it out in a rush, before it disappears.
I don't have enough quiet time to sit down, and create to get better at gathering inspiration.

Couple days ago I wrote that I am not a quitter, and that is true.
I'm not quitting crafts. 
I think I'm quitting the idea of being Martha Stewart, of being featured, of being recognized.
I'm quitting the idea of perfection.
I'm quitting struggling.  That's something I've been wanting to get rid of.

I'm starting planning.
I'm starting organizing.
I'm starting to set deadlines.
Structure works for me, I crave it these days.
I'm starting living in reality.
I'm becoming a sponge, soaking in all the knowledge I can.
I'm getting out of my bubble.  It's ready to be popped.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Not a quitter

I have always thought of myself as a quitter.
I have tried many things once: sports, crafts, writing, dancing, etc. and if I wasn't as good as the professionals, I'd quit.
I have always been impressed by people who devote their lives to THAT ONE THING, whether sports, religious leaders, regular women taking over the world.

The more time I spend discovering myself, the more I am realizing that I no longer quit.
I still consider my skills mediocre when it comes to crafts, blogging, writing, etc. 
Yet I've been plugging away.
I've been showing up every day, with just myself for the most part, and I've just been going. 

The last 48 hours, I have been just filled with ideas, and thoughts, and insights, and in the past I would just have let the fire burn out, but not these days.  I made a vision page of a program I'd like to launch in 2014. 


I have turned down a request for someone to rent The Cottage.  I am keeping it.

I am feeling this push.
I am feeling this "if you build it they will come" vibe.
I am feeling many things, and when I put them out there, and nothing happens, I try again.

I am no longer a quitter. 

Friday, November 15, 2013

A list of sorts

I'm feeling a little melancholy at the moment.
Maybe a list will help me break it down.

  • Our pictures arrived today, and I love them. There are so many good ones to pick from, and I look half-way decent. (I can't use them until I get the CD in my hand, which will hopefully be next week.)
  • Our pictures arrived today, and although I knew I'd look the way I did, on the day the pictures were taken, I thought I looked cuter.
  • Our pictures arrived today, and I am happiest with my kiddos.  The smile on my face, and sparkle in my eyes is so different when I am with them.  Not that I need proof that I love them, however seeing myself with them, helps me forgive myself for the times I'm a bit short with them.

  • I have to go back to work tomorrow.  Things might be different.  Calmer and more peaceful...or they might be the same.  I hope I can practice "speak no evil" tomorrow if the need comes.
  • I can't find my uniform at the house or in the car, so I hope I have something to wear when I get home tomorrow.

  • I get to have a girl's night out tomorrow.  I am excited, happy, nervous.  I know I'll be okay, I'll be with my girls.
  • I don't like that I get anxiety even before hanging out with my friends.

  • We've been spending some time at The Cottage, and my heart still aches at the fact that Cheryl is gone.
  • I want The Cottage to be my studio, a play area for the kids, and I want it to be a place we hang out, a place we actually use.

  • Here's a random one: I don't drink enough water.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Key and three candles

It's one of those days where being home is the only right thing to do.

Cheryl's daughter has finished cleaning out the cottage.
She turned in Cheryl's key.
The cottage is empty.
Although I want to turn it into my studio, I'm still having a hard time going there. 
My last trip was actually a couple days ago, and I could see my vision, which made me happy.
I miss Cheryl.


Today marks the third year anniversary of my grandpas death.
I have been lighting candles for him since the day he died.
It was a tragic death.
We're all still reeling from it.
I hope his soul is resting peacefully, wherever it is.
I miss him.

 
Sometimes I feel like reality sucks, but this is the life I'm living.
I know things will be okay.
In fact they're okay right now.
Just a little empty, yet that's what memories are for.
 


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Where are you?

I promised myself this year that I would do only one holiday at a time.
I decorate for fall in September, for Halloween in October.
I wasn't going to do anything crazy for Thanksgiving as my in-laws are cooking, which brings me to now: I want to decorate for Christmas!
Yup, it's November 12th and I'm already living in the future!
I don't like it.
It makes me anxious and nervous, and out of control.
I want to enjoy each and every holiday, each and every get together, each and every day for what it brings.
I'm sure all the store decorations are not helping.
Starting a Christmas pin board probably wasn't a good idea either.
Signing up for yet another gift/letter/card exchange doesn't help either.
I'm holding back as much as I can...but boy oh boy, if anymore coupon or gift books arrive at my house, I might just cave in.

Where are you at?
Have you thrown caution to the wind and said I'M READY FOR DECEMBER!!!

Wherever you are, enjoy what you're doing.
I've been decorating the gift boxes I'll use to mail my goodies in.

The one on the left, I was going for an ombre look.
The one on the right, I was going for the dipped in paint look.
Neither box is finished yet. but it makes me happy to be working on something.

BELIEVE, LISTEN, CREATE

Monday, November 11, 2013

New design

TA-DA!!!
Heather from www.lifemadelovely.com is a genius. She designed the new look, installed it, helped with an Etsy shop design, and BAM...I feel like a Rock Star!!

Let me make a confession: I want to be a regular blogger, who has readers.
I get frustrated at times looking at other blogs and thinking "when will I get there?" By "there" I mean good posts, readers, comments, conference invites.
A couple of days ago I found a quote which read
Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle.
This is so true and something I needed to read.
Working with Heather, I realized how little I knew about blog design, what certain things are called, etc. She'd ask me a design/preference question, and I'd stare at her e-mail for minutes, trying to figure out what the heck was going on.
It was a bit of a hey mo-mo...why don't you learn more before you dream of being a rock star!
Again, something I needed. 
A swift kick in the pants.
That's how I learn, that's how I roll, the hard way.
I am definitely motivated with my new design to rock this, and to share my thoughts, ideas, projects with the universe.  

Thank you Heather! 
BELIEVE, LISTEN, CREATE

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Nothing compares...

Two things I'm not giving up in this life:

BOOKS

and

CANDLES.

Everything else can either go, or I'll adapt to the electronic version.

I'm excited for the next couple weeks, starting with today:

a girl's night of pampering and drinks :)

a girl's night out with my two BFF's, and I'm sure...drinks (I'm a little shocked I'm 1. using the term BFF's, and 2. that I get to use it)

a lunch out with a wonderful woman who has tried very hard to help me lose weight (I didn't help her succeed, but our friendship will be amazing, regardless of the number on the scale)

Remind me to write a post about friendship.
This is a topic so close to my heart, that I will most likely cry.

BELIEVE, LISTEN, CREATE

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Moments fill my life

Here is a moment:
I'm currently sitting in front of my computer, eating fruit and drinking water. 

Here is another moment:
I'm sitting on a couch at my friends beautiful couch, watching a beautiful movie.
We have dinner, we have coffee, and we talk for hours.
At the end of the night, I get to curl up in a comfortable bed, in a nook in a wall, covered in warm, red sheets, my favorite color.

Let me share one more:
I'm driving home from my friends house, and because we talked, I'm able to process some things better. 
I gain insight into myself.

I am a blog junkie.
I could read blogs for a living.
I am obsessed with Instagram.
This morning every image I saw on my feed took my breath away.
When I saw how some people are connected to others that I follow, most people I don't know in real life, it made my heart so happy, and it made me wish that my life was filled with more moments, with more beautiful things, and images.

No, I don't want more stuff.
Yes, I have a beautiful family I get to look at every day.
Yes, I have friends that cook me dinner, and let me spend the night.  All because I asked.

I want more of all of the above in my life.
I want to go to work and see beauty.
I want to go to work and create, take pictures, collaborate, etc.
THIS is my goal.
At this time my heart so desperately aches for it.

I have these moments, and I cherish them so much.
I will create more of them, more frequently, more passionately.

I want my world to open up in ways I don't even know about.

Create your moments.
Cherish your moments.
Build a life filled with beauty, love, friendship.

Happy Sunday.

BELIEVE, LISTEN, CREATE

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