I find myself at the cross roads of crazy and manageable daily.
I'm not "crazy enough" to get a doctor's note excusing me from work all week,
but inside I feel like I need to be put away.
I know some people get offended by the word "crazy," but when my mind is spinning endlessly, and there is not relief in sight, that is how I feel.
that is how I choose to describe my mind.
I'm sure many people don't like changes in their life.
I don't like changes either,
unless of course it's a 32 inch waist waiting for me in the morning.
what I really don't like is the anticipation for change.
because it could come, or things could stay the same.
and then if they stay the same, there is a relief, and a sadness.
a mourning almost of what could have been.
my word for this year is SOLID, you know, like a rock.
I've been told so many times, by many different people
"I never worry about you, you're solid"
if only they knew the chaos inside.
there is a season of change happening at my work.
and if I'm really honest, this will be the state for the next 5 years, as things will change every year, until we establish a routine at the new space, with the new people, with a new boss.
this anticipation of change is making me very uneasy.
I myself have decided to look elsewhere, you know for a cushy 9 to 5 job, with weekends and holidays off.
I know half of America is quitting those jobs, for more freedom, fulfillment, adventure.
but I've never had a 9 to 5.
I've never had weekends and holidays off,
and a 9 to 5 seems like just the thing that can propel me a little further into my dreams.
whatever it is your soul is seeing...go ahead and do that thing.