Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Quote this #2

There was a time in my life where I wanted to use different mediums in one project: paint, glue, paper, markers.
I was told not to.
I was told mediums don't mix.
I listened.
Now I know it's called mixed-media art, and it's beauty blows me away.

There was a time in my life where I liked taking photos of things, of scenery, of buildings.
I was told not to.
I was told that pictures needed to have people in them.
I listened.
Now I know it's called still-life, and those images can take up hours of my time.

I don't think I'll be listening any more.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Quote This #1

Here it is.
As promised.
The first (1st) Quote This post.
I had trouble connecting to the internet this morning, and a part of me said "NNNNNNOOOOOOO"
Then I re-grouped, got off my chair, and found that the wifi box was unplugged.
Can you imagine if I just sat here, trying to "fix" the internet, not being successful?
Sometimes getting up and checking things out is the way to go :)

"Don't be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams."  Proverb

On and off for years I've been trying to have a positive mindset.
Not only on the good days, especially on the bad days. 
I find that the more I try and practice this, the easier it becomes. 

I was raised in fear: of authority, making mistakes, what people thought.
I was taught to let fear dictate my moves.
This stuck with me, because when you don't know better, you don't do better.
Even in a religious context, I was raised to fear God.

I know now, as an adult, that a fearful and a negative mindset make for a fearful and a negative life.
I no longer look at a problem and think "this is so hard."
I look at a problem and think "how do I get around this?"
"What is the silver lining?"

I have many dreams: living debt free, being self-employed, getting a book published, quitting my day job. 
There are multiple problems along the way: mortgage, health insurance, disappointing people, taking a risk.
I have been looking at the emotional outcome I will gain if I concentrate on my dreams.
Just this morning in my journal I wrote "even if that (photography) remains a hobby, if I can throw myself into it, and have it be my happy place, than maybe work will be a bit more bearable."
I am not focusing on my problems.
I am listening to my dreams and letting them lead me where I need to go.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Quote This

I hear often at work "you'll never see me again"
I often replay to this "if I had a dollar...I wouldn't need to work here."
In reality, if I had a dollar, or probably just 50 cents for all the ideas I have, yet don't do...
you guessed it, I wouldn't need to work at all.
Yet I'm doing something, even if on the surface, or in my heart, I don't know what I'm doing.

I might have shared here before my love/hate relationship with quotes. 
To recap:
as a teenager I loved Chicken Soup for the Soul books!
To read about all these incredible people who went through so much in life, and held on to hope.
To daydream that maybe one day, I could get my most desired outcome.
I probably had thirty books.
Each better than the last.
Yet as life went on and didn't magically get better, people magically didn't change, and I didn't change for the better, I decided that hope is bullsh*t, that believing is for fairies, and that like it or not, I've been filling my head with garbage. 
My reasoning was confirmed when I tried to trade in my Soul books at an old book store, and the owner said "I'll take them, but they have no value."
AHA...I knew it. 
All crap.
A L L C R A P!

Throughout the years I'd pick up a quote or two, write it down, toss it out.
Quotes are from people who have "made it," who have succeeded, who have their sh*t together.
Not me.

Last night I stayed up until 2A.M. writing quotes I found on an Instagram page.
I wrote for two hours!!! and I remembered my cynicism, and I also remembered that I know now that life is not beautiful, uplifting quotes, but life is encouraged, and enriched by people who have "made it," and by people who have succeeded, and if a quote can touch my heart, it can also touch someone else.

Starting Wednesday February 18th, 2015, I will start a new and first series for this blog.
Quote This will be just that: I will share a quote, carefully chosen, and I will share my interpretation of it, how it's helping me, what it means to me.
I would love for anyone out there to join me by leaving a comment in the comments section telling me how a given quote has inspired them, or helped them, or even made them mad. 
I am slowly starting to believe that a positive attitude CAN be achieved by surrounding oneself with positivity.
Join me.
I think this is going to be great :)

Thursday, February 12, 2015



"Appreciation and support begins within. Self-support is reflected in the way in which we “spend” our time and utilize our space. "

This is so fitting to what I've been discovering and noticing lately.
My Candy Crush game is off my phone.  No more.  It was eating up too much of my time.  Time literally wasted.  Not even to relax, but to dumb, to avoid, to check out mentally.  No more.

Just the other day I found myself in a place of "I'm tired of the computer, I don't want to look at my phone, what do I do?"
Sit with the kids
I know, it's embarrassing, and it's also a choice.
I sat on the couch, and before my butt touched the cushion, my daughter was curled up in my lap.
Joy, love, humbling.
Always choose your kids, and not as a last resort or an after thought, no more.

I managed to walk to the cottage yesterday, and in an attempt to get rid of the blue carpet there, I got to do some cutting.
There is some fake tile under the carpet.

After pulling away some tile, I found this black surface, which I don't know what it is.  In a couple days, when my eye is healed (eye infection) I'm going to rip up the whole carpet.  No reason to wait.  The black surface looks much better than the blue fuzzy carpet.
I had to take a shot of this closet. 
Here is what I'm hoping it will look like soon.
Reading alcove
Yes, I do plan on a window.
LOVE THIS IDEA...put molding around a closet, remove the door, add lights and comfy seat with pillows to make a unique and special reading nook.
This is going to take lots of work and lots of time, but it is possible, and I intend to do it. 

Tuesday, February 10, 2015


For the amount of time I spend on the Internet, it was bound to happen: the Internet has taught me something.
It showed me that I am impatient, and that instant gratification has become part of who I am.
Maybe not the most positive traits to have, but how full circle that the thing that I waste my time on the most, has taught me that I need to slow down, and really, I just need to chill.

Anytime there is a problem with connection.
Anytime I have to wait a full second.
Anytime I have to WAIT period.
I move my mouse, I check the connection, I say "come on come on COME ON!" about a gazillion times. 
I am in a hurry to get to the next web page, to see that next image, to figure out what my future holds.

It was the other day when my online game wouldn't load. 
That game: Candy Crush...NOTHING important. 
I was so close to just banging my head against my desk, because damn it, I needed to crush some candy!

It was the other day when my e-mail wouldn't load fast enough.
I had e-mails to read, life changing e-mails, about how other people are doing business, and one of those days they will send THE e-mail my way that will let me in on their SECRET.
Note: I know there is no secret.  Consistency and determination - that's the formula.

This self-realization made me chuckle, and then frown, and then feel all sorts of emotions all at the same time. 

Unless I use the Internet to actually reach my goals, whatever those are these days, I am wasting time, and I am doing myself disservice, and I am doing my family disservice. 

Is the Internet a time waster for you too?

Monday, February 9, 2015


I feel like there isn't enough truth out here on the Internet.
I feel that anyone who chooses to show only the happy stuff, doesn't know how to express the bad stuff.
I believe wholeheartedly that cultivating a positive attitude will make for more positive days, but I also know that when life kicks you in the pants, it's easy and fast to fall into despair. 

Majority of my life has been spent chasing, achieving, and then working my dream of law enforcement.
With the birth of my daughter five years ago, a new fire has been lit within me.
A fire of creativity, of wanting more time in the day at home, of wanting quiet.
For the past five years I have been trying to figure out what my next calling is.
As it stands today, I don't know.
Here are some close runner ups:
- painting
- writer
- blogger
- woman helper
- retreat leader
- photographer
- decorator
- DIYer

 None of these things are real things yet.

I don't pain enough to become good at it.  As soon as my paint brush hits the canvas, and the outcome looks nothing like in my mind, the dream is over.

I journal A LOT in my personal journal, and just recently have had the desire to write a sassy article or two, but no one is looking for me, and I don't know where to go.

Same goes for blogging...I have THE BEST intentions, no follow through

I love women.  I get offended by comments and jokes about women that are not true.  I don't play around with words, or try to be gentle.  I tell it how it is with that I see, however I show respect and an open heart.  Where do I start with that? Who do I help?

A retreat, a barn, a space...think about this daily.  Every day.  I have a Pin board or two dedicated to this.

I have a vision about a book featuring women in their "manly" jobs, as well as another idea...but that is the thing, the idea is just an idea.  I have done the most towards this. I have been practicing with my camera and learning about it.  I feel like this is what I will follow through with the most.  I have reached out to our family photographer, a woman, to help me understand the ins and outs.  Nothing has come of it yet.

I decorate our house, and I'm cool with that.  I need to continue to work and decorate the cottage, but I'm OK with that being a hobby.

I like to build things, I can follow simple instructions, but again, I am the idea girl.

Is there anyone else out there that is struggling with defining their calling?

Is there anyone else out there struggling with all the pretty pictures, because someone "chooses" to only show that part of their life?  I'm not hating on these people, I love their Instagram feeds, and blogs, it just doesn't sit well with me that the struggle is hidden so much. 
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