2.9.2015

I feel like there isn't enough truth out here on the Internet.
I feel that anyone who chooses to show only the happy stuff, doesn't know how to express the bad stuff.
I believe wholeheartedly that cultivating a positive attitude will make for more positive days, but I also know that when life kicks you in the pants, it's easy and fast to fall into despair. 

Majority of my life has been spent chasing, achieving, and then working my dream of law enforcement.
With the birth of my daughter five years ago, a new fire has been lit within me.
A fire of creativity, of wanting more time in the day at home, of wanting quiet.
For the past five years I have been trying to figure out what my next calling is.
As it stands today, I don't know.
Here are some close runner ups:
- painting
- writer
- blogger
- woman helper
- retreat leader
- photographer
- decorator
- DIYer

 None of these things are real things yet.

I don't pain enough to become good at it.  As soon as my paint brush hits the canvas, and the outcome looks nothing like in my mind, the dream is over.

I journal A LOT in my personal journal, and just recently have had the desire to write a sassy article or two, but no one is looking for me, and I don't know where to go.

Same goes for blogging...I have THE BEST intentions, no follow through

I love women.  I get offended by comments and jokes about women that are not true.  I don't play around with words, or try to be gentle.  I tell it how it is with that I see, however I show respect and an open heart.  Where do I start with that? Who do I help?

A retreat, a barn, a space...think about this daily.  Every day.  I have a Pin board or two dedicated to this.

I have a vision about a book featuring women in their "manly" jobs, as well as another idea...but that is the thing, the idea is just an idea.  I have done the most towards this. I have been practicing with my camera and learning about it.  I feel like this is what I will follow through with the most.  I have reached out to our family photographer, a woman, to help me understand the ins and outs.  Nothing has come of it yet.

I decorate our house, and I'm cool with that.  I need to continue to work and decorate the cottage, but I'm OK with that being a hobby.

I like to build things, I can follow simple instructions, but again, I am the idea girl.

Is there anyone else out there that is struggling with defining their calling?

Is there anyone else out there struggling with all the pretty pictures, because someone "chooses" to only show that part of their life?  I'm not hating on these people, I love their Instagram feeds, and blogs, it just doesn't sit well with me that the struggle is hidden so much.