Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Who am I?

I have the pens, and the paints, and the books and the journals.
I have the dreams, and ideas, and moments of readiness.
I have what it takes to get things done,
I am faced with a fear, with an unknown, with an undefined idea, an empty longing.

I know who I am as a person, but I don't know what my label is.
A label in a good way, a definition, an introduction, a knowledge.
I don't know who I am in terms of my dreams.
A writer, a painter, a mixed media artist, a coach?
I am a seeker and a dreamer, yet I cannot find that one thing that will spark my passion.

I've been letting go of comparison, but I'm obsessed with looking at inspiration.
I have been so lazy, and unmotivated on my days off, that it pains me to be in my skin.
Procrastination continues to be my best friend, yet time is ticking...tic-tok tic-toc...up comes my 20th work anniversary (although it won't be for another 10 years)

Tomorrow, but really today, as it's 1:24 AM, will be a media free day.
I will do the laundry, I will clean the house, I will play with the kids, I will go for a run.
I will do the daily chores, because those things have to get done, and those things might form other good habits.
I have half the mind to go to the cottage and rip up the blue carpet, to see what is underneath.
I keep thinking (telling myself) that once I have the "dream" floor, I will start taking pictures, but I know in my heart, I don't need a "dream" floor to start my idea. 
Ever since I've declared out loud (in my journal and to the hubby) what it is I want to try, I have yet to step inside the cottage. 
I avoid it like the plague.
This happens quite a bit...I declare things, and as soon as they are off my mind, I stop thinking about it. 

I don't want to be that person.
I really don't.

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