Friday, January 2, 2015

You can see

What I struggle with is so easy to see.
One look at me and a complete stranger can tell what my problem is.
Weight...or excess of it is not easy to hide.
Whoever said "jewelry always fits" is a liar.
I received a beautiful necklace from my husband and kids this Christmas, something the kids are so proud of that they picked out.  It doesn't fit.  The first attempt to put it on resulted in the clasp breaking, small beads spilling around me.  My husband was able to fix it, but one look into his eyes and I saw the sadness he tries to hide so much. 

Although you can see what I struggle with, you can't tell how I struggle with it. 
Unless we sarcasm and sense of humor clue you in as to what I'm trying to divert attention from. 

There is no hiding my struggle.
There is no magic to make it go away.
There are not enough affirmations in this world that'll make me feel beautiful with the way I am right now.

My New Year resolution is not to lose weight.
That's my life resolution...been working on it for some time.

My word for 2015 is Active, and a major part of that is physical activity. 

What has brought me here tonight is one too many pizza slices.  My inability to walk away.  It's mindless eating like this that beings me to my knees, and makes me ask WHY?  Why do I do this?  Why do I not listen to myself?  Why don't I do what I know is healthy?

I will make better choices tomorrow because I want to, because I want to wear that necklace that my kids picked out for me, because I want to see the smile on their faces when they tell me how they picked it out, and how they kept it a secret.

I will wear that necklace. 

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