Monday, September 29, 2014

No good title

I find myself at the cross roads of crazy and manageable daily.
I'm not "crazy enough" to get a doctor's note excusing me from work all week,
but inside I feel like I need to be put away.
I know some people get offended by the word "crazy," but when my mind is spinning endlessly, and there is not relief in sight, that is how I feel.
that is how I choose to describe my mind.
I'm sure many people don't like changes in their life.
I don't like changes either,
unless of course it's a 32 inch waist waiting for me in the morning.
what I really don't like is the anticipation for change.
because it could come, or things could stay the same.
and then if they stay the same, there is a relief, and a sadness.
a mourning almost of what could have been.
my word for this year is SOLID, you know, like a rock.
I've been told so many times, by many different people
"I never worry about you, you're solid"
if only they knew the chaos inside.
there is a season of change happening at my work.
and if I'm really honest, this will be the state for the next 5 years, as things will change every year, until we establish a routine at the new space, with the new people, with a new boss.
this anticipation of change is making me very uneasy.
I myself have decided to look elsewhere, you know for a cushy 9 to 5 job, with weekends and holidays off.
I know half of America is quitting those jobs, for more freedom, fulfillment, adventure.
but I've never had a 9 to 5.
I've never had weekends and holidays off,
and a 9 to 5 seems like just the thing that can propel me a little further into my dreams.
whatever it is your soul is seeing...go ahead and do that thing.

1 comment:

  1. I totally can relate to your season of change, and constant chaos. It can be so scary, needed, even WANTED, but still scary non the less.
    Love your blog. Keep it up!

    The Pink Porch


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