Wishing

I wish that bad decisions came with a lightning.
I wish I had a compass that would literally put up a wall when I was going in the wrong direction.
I wish guilt didn't exist.
I wish doubt didn't exist.
Very rarely I wish my happiness wasn't on my shoulders.
I wish control wasn't a thing.
I wish depression wasn't a thing.
I wish money wasn't a thing.
I wish time wasn't of the essence.
I wish life wasn't a contradiction.
I wish I wasn't attracted to things I'm attracted to.  It makes me feel less than...because I also wish that patience wasn't a virtue.

As I go about my days, sometimes in a daze, I wish that my days were clearer, and my mind was sharper, and I was more sure and convincing, and dedicated, and free. 

I am learning slowly, so slowly, that the more I work on something, the closer I get to it, however sometimes that slow movement is not enough, and it leaves too much time for doubt, and questions, and re-thinking. 

I often times wish that I didn't wish for this life that I want.  And I know that is not right, and that it's all just negative thoughts.  I know I don't actually wish this and mean this.  I just wish I could be clearer, in my mind, heart, and soul.

Life is but an adventure...I need to learn some better skills.